He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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