dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
