just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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