yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
