Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
