There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
