i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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