A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
