I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
