There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
