His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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