I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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