Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
