it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
