I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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