Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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