Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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