and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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