she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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