If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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