She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that's an acceptable place to lick
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
