I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
