i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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