I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize