I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
