Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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