My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
