How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
