She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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