Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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