Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
