Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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