Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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