New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
