sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
