i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sext me about skeletons
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
