Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her vagine was all disorganized.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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