he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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