I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
