he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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