i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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