Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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