i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
