She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize