Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
