So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
