we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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