I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She even gives head with a lisp.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
