Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
