this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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