I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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