so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
