I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I checked into jail on foursquare
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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