I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
