Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
