Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize