Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
