Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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