Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
