oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
