I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize