i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
