I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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