oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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