im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
