My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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