Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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