apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize