remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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